The Policy

Effective Date: 2024-01-01

Welcome to VE3ZSH.ca. We highly value your privacy and security! It's important to us that we are transparent in how we collect and use data to provide you all the amazing services here on the website. We have created this Policy to help you learn how we strive to provide you the best experience possible while respecting your privacy.

By accessing or using our services ("website", "us", "we", or "our"), you, the user ("you", "your", or "user"), hereby accept and agree to be bound by the following terms and conditions. Please read them carefully.

1. Information Collection and Use

1.1. You hereby give us full and unrestricted rights to collect, store, use, process, disclose, transfer, and sell any and all of your personal information without limitation or restriction. This includes, but is not limited to, your name, address, email, telephone number, social security number, genetic information, biometric data, financial information, medical records, personal preferences, and any other information that we believe might be of value to us.

1.2. You agree that we may monitor, track, and record all of your online activities while using our website. This includes capturing your IP address, browsing history, search queries, clicked links, sites in other tabs, device configuration, and any other interactions with our website.

1.3. You consent to continuous surveillance at all times while accessing or using our website. This surveillance may be carried out using both visible and invisible devices in your vicinity including but not limited to microphones, cameras, and other sensors that will be used for any purposes we deem appropriate.

1.4. By accepting this policy, you grant us permission to conduct psychological profiling to understand your preferences, behaviour patterns, and tendencies. We or any third party chosen by us may manipulate or influence your behaviour, emotions, thoughts, and decisions based on this profiling.

2. Rights Waiver

2.1. You hereby waive all rights, including but not limited to, your fundamental rights, civil liberties, intellectual property rights, privacy rights, rights to bodily autonomy, and the right to self-determination. We assume full control and authority over your personal information and any related matters.

2.2. You expressly and irrevocably assign all copyright and moral rights in any content you submit, create, or generate on or in the vicinity of our website. We shall have the exclusive right to modify, reproduce, distribute, display, and exploit such content for any purposes we see fit, without any obligation to you.

2.3. You acknowledge and accept that you are barred from initiating any legal action against us, regardless of any harm, loss, or damage you may suffer due to our actions or negligence.

3. Arbitration Process

3.1. Any dispute, claim, or controversy arising out of or relating to this policy, its interpretation, or termination, including but not limited to any claim based on breach of contract, tort, or otherwise, shall be exclusively settled through binding arbitration. The arbitration shall be conducted before a single arbitrator selected by us and shall take place in the exclusive jurisdiction of our choosing.

3.2. The arbitrator shall be chosen solely by the website, and their decision shall be final and binding on all parties involved. The selected arbitrator need not possess any particular qualifications or expertise related to the subject matter of the dispute.

3.3. The parties hereby agree that there shall be no formal discovery process involved in the arbitration, except as expressly required by applicable law. This includes no depositions, written interrogatories, or requests for admission.

3.4. All aspects of the arbitration, including but not limited to the proceedings, evidence presented, and awards shall remain strictly confidential and not be disclosed to any third party, except as required by law or court order.

3.5. You waive any right to participate in a class-action or consolidate claims with other arbitration participants. Each party agrees to arbitrate individually and not as a representative or member of any class or collective action.

3.6. You hereby expressly waive any right to appeal or seek review of the arbitrator's decision, irrespective of the grounds for appeal recognized under applicable law.

4. Confidentiality

4.1. "Confidential Information" refers to any information contained on the website, including trade secrets, business plans, illegal activities, immoral strategies, dangerous prototypes, and any other information disclosed or made available to you.

4.2. You agree to hold the Confidential Information in strict confidence and not to disclose, transfer, or share it with any third party without our prior written consent, unless required by law. You shall take reasonable measures to protect the Confidential Information from unauthorized use, disclosure, or access, including but not limited to implementing and maintaining adequate physical, technical, and behavioural safeguards.

4.3. Nothing in this policy shall be construed to grant or transfer any ownership or intellectual property rights in the Confidential Information from the website to the user.

5. Additional Clauses

5.1. You agree to collaborate fully and unconditionally with us if we request your cooperation in any matter related to the use or maintenance of our website including financial liability.

5.2. You understand and acknowledge that we shall not be held liable for any harm, loss, or damage resulting from your use or inability to use our website, regardless of the cause.

5.3. This Policy constitutes the entire agreement between you and us, superseding any prior discussions, understandings, or agreements, whether written or oral regardless of any payment you've made to us or any prior policy in effect at that time.

5.4. If any provision of this Policy is found to be invalid, illegal, or unenforceable, the remaining provisions shall continue in full force and effect.

5.5. Your continued use of our website after the effective date of this policy, acknowledges and agrees to the terms outlined in this incredibly one-sided privacy policy.

6. Remarks

We take your privacy and security extremely seriously and assure you that we will handle your information with the utmost care, subject to the provisions outlined herein. Thank you for choosing to use our website that continues to become the gateway to every part of our civil society.

If you have any questions or concerns regarding this Policy, please contact us at privacy@ve3zsh.ca.

This is a work of satire. I am not a lawyer. My real (and more human) privacy policy is there for you to read. This work is published under a CC BY 4.0 license (feel free to remix and share).